My(28M) mom (55F) has been sick since I was high school. Due to various reasons, it has been me, my mom and my two younger siblings (Bella 21F and Alex 25F) growing up, and with me being the oldest a lot of things have fallen on my shoulders to help. In the recent weeks my mom's health has been up and down, she had a major health emergency that landed her in the hospital and rehab for the last month or so. During which she complained how much she hated being there and how she just wanted to home, the issue being she currently lives alone and was in physical rehab due to side effects. (My siblings and I all live with our partners. We all do live within 30 mins of each so if things come up, we can typically figure out a way help here.)

Well yesterday she was released form rehab, and I ended being the only one able to get her. (Bella is an OTR and gone 3-4 days a week and Alex had planned on starting a road trip.) I picked her up at about 7a and took her to the store to get some needed things as well as some aides to help her as I had to go back to work but would be able to visit her again on Saturday. (Currently I don't get PTO and every day off is unpaid) After shopping we come the next hurdle, my mom is having some difficulty walking and needs help walking up stairs. (It takes 10 mins to help her climb up the 14 steps to reach her apt.) I spent the next 4hrs with her helping get things to more manageable for her, and even meal prepped some food her to last until I could make it out to her again. Before I left, I double checked that she had everything she needed, at which point we realized that she didn't the meds she was on at the rehab center, so I had to get the rehab center to actually get the RX scripts filled at a pharmacy and pick them help my mom get them sorted in a pill organizer and got ready to head home, just before a winter storm was about to hit. This is when my mom starts saying I should just stay with her and how she just wants me to live with her again, I try to calm her down and talk her through it. (But honestly, I don't want to live with my mother I have a lot of issues with how things are between us, but I can never really talk to her about it, as it turns in a gaslighting session/her telling me how I don't understand how things are and etc. I love my mom, but right now I need distance between us)

After she calms down, I start heading home, and get stuck in traffic due to rush hour and the winter storm snowfall starting. About 30 mins into my drive home my mom calls me saying she thinks she is having a panic attack or something saying she is afraid of being alone and how she wants to go back to rehab center, or I should turn around and stay the night with her. We talk as I continue to go home; she seems to calm down and end our call, this around 5:30/6p. About 2hrs later I get another call from my mom staying she is having a heart attack or something and she wants me to come out her, I tell her I can't due to the roads at this point and she call an ambulance. She does and goes to the ER; they check her out and she updates me that it was just a panic attack and they she will probably be discharged shortly and again asks me to come out and take her home. Which again I tell her I don't feel safe driving out that way and the best I can do is help get an Uber or taxi home, however she states that she is going to need help getting up steps and that those things probably won't help her. Luckily a doctor overhears that conversation my mom and I are having and says the ER can arrange for some EMTs to help get home and into her apt. I take this as my cue to go to bed and get some sleep as it is almost 10p and I have to be up by 4:30a for work, end my call with my mom and go to bed.

This morning I wake up to texts from my sisters saying I should have gone out to help my mom and etc. and at this point I want to blow up them and my mom over this all as I keep getting to give more and more. But my sisters can stay there are busy, and it is okay. And I getting to my wits and just want to go no contact for a bit, but I would feel super guilty if something happened to my mom seriously and I was only around to help.

Sorry for rambling on I just wanted to vent somewhere.