Today was the funeral for my maternal grandmother. Second grandmother gone in less than a year, one gone in the spring, one in the fall a little over a week ago.

My cousins and extended family on that side is for the most part tighter than my father’s side (separated so much it’s almost nonexistent). But there are still so many unresolved issues and continued bitterness. Some people shook hands without even looking each other in the eye. One block of family from Connecticut are legitimately known by us all as continual criminals, and today was the very first time in my 23 years of existence of ever interacting with them. Some uncle who’s always neglected to ever keep in touch all of a sudden wanted to come down to the funeral but outta nowhere needed all the help in the world and caused more headache than needed before the funeral.

A good chunk of these people are already up there in years and ain’t gettin younger. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’ve got my gripes with a lot of them for causing more good grief to my mother during this time, but I can at the very least shake a hand, look another man in his eye, catch up on life, sit at the same table and eat with them.

I know it’s not a super Christian-specific question, but what does it take for fractures that seem incredibly embedded into the family to heal? Granted, I do not know the root issues or know everyone’s stories. I know on my father’s side, there’s a dark history of adultery, repeated coverups of molestation and rape (including my own father being a victim to that), drug addictions and alcoholism, and multiple influential family members getting into witchcraft, resulting in a lot of fractures and splitting. But here on my mother’s side, while most of the family stays somewhat connected thanks to an Aunt being a kind of matriarch, but it’s like a lot of people are just incredibly selfish and other’s let it entirely erode connections and relationships.

Again, I’m not coming at this self-righteously. God knows I can be a selfish idiot 60% of the time or more. I’m just trying to find an answer, or some way to make sure brokenness like this doesn’t follow down into my own family that I start and lead one day.