In Paul’s writings he denounced legalism and the Mosaic laws. Yet, if someone says they’re a Christian, pursuing God and all that, while doing whatever they want and breaking a few rules, all of a sudden everyone jumps on them or distances themselves.

I ask because I’ve been considering trying to reread the Bible or go back to some old Christian books, but I don’t want to give up the habits and frankly addictions that keep me sane, get rid of stress, and numb depression. I don’t feel conviction about those habits/addictions anymore, just cold. Following rules has only led to more and more mental stress and self-hate without no reward from God and I’m sick of it.

I’m not exactly planning on following rules or even trying to, yet I still find it impossible to cut the Bible or God out of my life. I can’t see my life without either, even if it’s just basic respect and adherence to common sense morality (murder is wrong, theft is wrong, every human is born for a reason, etc). The Christian logic seems to be; if you love God, you’ll follow his rules of your own free will. Not that following rules actually gets you saved or gets God to love you. Yet, everyone flips their wig when someone [insert any popular modern day sin]. But then all this stuff comes out to make it weirder; Paul says we can’t “take advantage” of Grace by doing everything we want to do, and Christians mark rule-breaking people as unsaved.

Everyone says “relationship; not religion” but all of a sudden without the religion part you don’t really “have a relationship.” I want to find a cure for all this garbage I’ve been living with. But it’s getting real hard to find a cure in Christianity.

(It’s 1;21am for me when I’m writing this, please excuse any typos)