I’ve been going to sleep every night saying a small prayer that God would show me some glimpse of the future that would confirm that my suffering would be worth it someday.

I’ve reached a point where I hate God and I hate following His tenets and I hate trying to remotely feel happy or joyful to be a Christian of any kind. I’m not happy that I wake up in the mornings, and most of the day I just look forward to the end of the day so I could unplug by watching porn or playing video games or just getting to go to sleep.

I just want some sort of confirmation that this pain won’t last forever and that if I hold out in the faith just a little longer it’ll be worth it. I can’t even trust the Bible anymore. Every promise seems empty or meant for everyone but me. I need something that I haven’t heard a million times in church or read a gajillion times on my own.

Has anyone prayed to see things like that and had any success of some sort?