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this was over a year ago, and i'm professionally diagnosed now. burner account because i don't want this tied to me :(
a paragraph about this (tw: mentions of abuse)
yes, it is true that people with NPD have a higher chance of being abusers. however, we aren't irredeemable monsters. we DO have the capacity for empathy, but it's lower than the average person. even though i didn't know i was a narcissist, i had been aware of my traits for a very long time and i was working on them, so i could recognize when i was being manipulative, and i worked to stop doing it altogether. if someone tells you they have npd, i would advise you to be wary, but don't outright unfriend them without a reason, please. if you recognize someone manipulating, gaslighting, or doing otherwise abusive things to you or someone else, run. whether or not they're a narcissist, run.
I said that vilifying people doesnât help and that people deserve compassion, but that getting help is important. I donât really think thatâs dehumanizing. Iâve been hurt by someone with BPD and the diagnosis includes a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships. I love this person dearly and the disorder is really damaging to her, she also grew up with abuse. Wanting people to have healthy interpersonal relationships is a good thing, and wanting recovery from behaviors that are damaging to the people who love them isnât dehumanizing. Getting help is good for all mental health issues (depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, PTSD etc.), but probably especially for disorders whose diagnostic criteria include hurtful behaviors towards other people. Same with anger management and people who deal with trauma through violent rage, having more resources available and more empathy for folks is sorely needed.
I mean, the diagnosis criteria are âa pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, with interpersonal entitlement, exploitiveness, arrogance, and envy.â That means that unchecked folks with NPD are necessarily damaging to the people theyâre in relationships with, itâs part of the diagnosis. Saying that someone getting help is good and deserves support and love and compassion is super reasonable- it seems like a difficult thing to deal with for that person and vilifying them absolutely doesnât help. Pedophilia is also a really difficult thing that people absolutely need help managing and making sure that damage isnât done while helping the person through something they canât change, that deserves compassion when people are getting help. It is also extremely damaging unchecked, and when people are not getting help itâs dangerous. Just because something has a diagnosis doesnât mean they donât need help- NPD includes behaviors that are damaging, and managing those behaviors is important and good.
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This was my point, thank you. Getting help for behaviors that can hurt people is a good idea. Everyone deserves compassion and the ability to grow