It’s not saying “don’t fight back” it’s saying “you’re here, you’re alive, your coping mechanism worked. Don’t hate yourself for doing the thing that kept you alive”

There are certain bears that you play dead for. They can still really hurt you, but if you fought them they’d definitely kill you. There’s a ton of shame around abuse, but if you think of it like a bear maybe it’s clearer why not fighting back can be the correct action. You can heal if you’re alive, you can’t heal if you’re dead.

I very much relate to this post, and felt like this for a very long time. I’ve been living in safety for long enough now that I don’t feel like an open wound, I have agency and autonomy. I started here, thinking why bother if my no means nothing (because it did mean nothing over and over) I worked hard and ended up having loud angry boundaries that still meant nothing. The thing that has worked for me is time without trauma. I know that’s a luxury.

I don’t blame myself for the times I screamed no or the times that I didn’t, and I do want to be alive. I didn’t for a long time, but I do want to be alive. The people I care about believe me, and I know what’s true, if you’d like to know more about why I’m glad I’m not dead let me know and I can say more.