Ever since the pandemic started, I had to move back in with my parents from the freedom I cherished so much. Just trapped here for a year and a half now unable to get a good enough job or save up enough money to move out from my transphobic mom and my dad who desperately hopes its just a phase and wants to gaslight me out of it. I'll still never get over the fact that when I came out nearly 2 years ago he really tried to gaslight me into thinking I was brainwashed by my fucking therapist. That is still the wildest shit. My life and what feels like any prospect of me getting out of this godforsaken house in this godforsaken state to even begin my transition before I'm 30 is in the process of getting brutally throatfucked and thrown in a dumpster. 6 years of college wasting a way at a fucking chilis.

So with that preface out of the way, I just went to lunch with my sister and I wanna fucking die. I haven't been in a good place mentally and she felt like giving me a talk and some of her "advice" I guess but most of it was incredibly frustrating bullshit. She is the closest thing in my family I can even remotely try to call an "ally" because she's the only person in my family who doesn't religiously agree with me being trans but acknowledges my freedom to do what I want to make myself happy and wont interfere because of it. Honestly though, I feel like even stretching it that far makes it seem like I don't need enemies. She brings up my girlfriend a bunch referring to her with her deadname and by "him" because he doesnt see her as a woman and even if we stay in solely the trans department of this conversation, I already wanna blow my brains out. I go on try and differentiate sex and gender for her but idk when you're in the bible belt, that shits always just locked and I got to listen to such Wonderful things like "Trans women can identify as women but aren't real women." "God made you a man so trying to change that is bad. He made you the way you're supposed to be." "God made you this way and no matter how you want to be seen, others are going to see you as a man." "Trans women want to be treated as normal women but being trans isn't normal so how can they be? It's not normal." I was seething and I'm never very good at defending myself in the moment so I have no idea how to like respond in a way that doesn't sound like me getting irrationally angry and emotional so she just fucking smirks at me as if I was Destroyed by facts and logic. Cause of course she's always right in her head and me being angry subconsciously proves it to her and apparently the only way to be a real woman is to be born with boobs and a vagina. Something I have literally 0 control over. Even for transwomen that by all means pass as cis women on a day to day basis she was just like "Looking like a woman and being a woman are 2 different things."

Then she tries to bring up and act like I had a choice not to come home last year. No money, no car, no job, and anybody I would've moved in with heading home at the time. Oh yeah I totally had a choice. Go home or be homeless at the beginning of a global pandemic. It was so disingenuous and unfair to even say. Goes on about my preparation as if I had any idea a global pandemic was gonna break out 1 year from me finishing school. "You're not thinking outside the box." "Just get a job 4head" when at that point we were reaching all time unemployment records. And then goes on some grindset bullshit basically like well if you made a series of completely different longterm choices years in advance you could potentially have a chance at having a choice. "Just gotta grind 4head work. 60 hours a week and let work be your escape and never do anything fun." "You caged yourself."

Honestly I really wish this was some shitpost copypasta but its my life and I'm just mentally blackpilled atm