People keep creeping on me on Lex, ignoring my age range and other boundaries.

OKC has done... something? to their search function and I'm not sure how to navigate the site. Also keeps showing me trans men (re: lesbian) and childfree people from like Mongolia.

I'm a nonbinary lesbian who's typically read as female, so it's not even just about my dating pool not finding me attractive. Maybe cis women are hesitant about dating nb dykes? I'm ace-spectrum but not sex repulsed so no biggie there. I wonder if part of the reason I'm having such a hard time is monogamy/polyamory - I'm looking for one or two people to be by my side long-term, but it feels like I'm too mono for the poly's and too poly for the mono's. I'm not willing to have or be a "secondary" partner at this time in my life - I'm not going to put all the effort into doing long-distance for someone I'll only ever see once every year or two. At the same time, I think I'd be too insecure in a mono relationship.

I feel like I have a reasonable amount of dealbreakers - yes kids, location has to be somewhere on the same continent, no edgelords or misanthropes, I don't care if they drink but nonsmokers only... but then the nonsmoker part seems to put me at odds with a lot of queer culture. Higher stress means higher smoking rates for minorities, I get that, but exposure makes me really sick so it's still a no-go. I support recreational marijuana being legalized, but I want to talk about things other than weed, p l e a s e.

I've made periodic attempts at one or two R4R subs but middle aged men see the trans part, or maybe the lesbian part, or maybe just that I'm half their age, and go oooh! time to be creepy as FUCK. r/polyamoryr4r is particularly bad about this. Had a dude in my inbox one time who blew thrtough like 4 of my dealbreakers to get there.

Idk, maybe this all sounds really petty and first-world-problems-y... but if one more person sends me less than two goddamn words in their intro message I'm gonna give up on society and go live in the woods or smth. Who needs to come home to someone when you can just go feral and forage for food?