As a followup to my last rant, I finally got the balls to ask for my feminine clothes that have been locked in the garage for the last 3 months. First of all that alone is a fucking take for me the more I think about it. Imagine being scared to ask for what’s mine in the first place or just having to ask for whats mine in general. When I finally tell my parents about the girl I’ve been dating for 3 months (also trans) because I want to get her something for her birthday, my dad had the biggest crying smile on his face I’ve ever seen as if in his head he really believes “Well if he’s found a girl it’s over right? My son’s not gay or trans right?” But thats just not how the world freaking works. I was just too scared to bring up the idea of asking for my stuff back because I knew it would make things awkward and im stuck in our house indefinitely until covid blows over and god knows how long thats gonna be. If the smile at the news of a girlfriend was the happiest I’ve ever seen him, the distraught, disappointed, disgusted, open mouth frown he had when I asked for my femme stuff back was the polar opposite. Credit where it’s due, he’s the most understanding in my house and is trying the best to understand, but he never will and its honestly a low bar. He despondently says “Ask your mother.” And I have never been so pissed off talking to another person in my life because of the twisted narrative she forces on me to fit her close-minded headcannon, nay her hyper-encrypted, triple lock fortified, unmoving headcannon. I feel like I could literally kill someone and be more quickly forgiven by my family than if I ever decided to wear a fucking dress because no matter what I tell them, they always deflect to the idea that what I’m wearing is a moral argument. Have you ever been questioned on whether or not you believe in God just because you decided to wear a dress like your eternal soul will melt on fire and brimstone because you felt like you deserve to be who you are and what you feel on the inside? I have... multiple times. And my girlfriend who I don’t dare give any information about because I don’t fucking trust them not to throw a fit and ruin the best thing that’s happened to me in in this godforsaken year because they don’t like it becomes her bargaining chip. My girlfriend is reduced to a goddamn argument piece for who I am and why its wrong. I didn’t think it was possible for a woman to be misogynistic but my mom is as TERF as they come. “Does your girlfriend know about this? Does she let you gallivant around in women’s clothing? What does she wear? And if she does know, how could any good friend let you do this?” As if wearing a skirt is a moral argument that makes the difference between heaven and hell. She just presses it and digs it in. “Is your girlfriend even a real girl? I wasn’t happy to know about that girl you were dating before who wasn’t a real girl. Does she have breasts? Can I see a picture of her?” And I’m the one who’s “brainwashed.” I’m the one who’s “Indoctrinated.” First of all, when were you the almighty arbiter on who’s a girl and who’s not??? If she identifies as a girl, that’s all she should need. And if breasts and a coochie between your legs is the definition, I had a science teacher who had breast cancer, my sister had to get a breast reduction, what about girls with small breasts and women who body build? Are they less of a woman to you? I’m not giving her a picture without my girlfriend’s consent out of common decency and because I don’t trust her within a restraining order’s distance of my girlfriend. If I’m brainwashed... if I’m indoctrinated then why are you the most reluctant to change? If we weren’t related by blood I swear I might’ve punched her for that. She can say whatever she wants about me but leave the one I love out of it. Without rest there were bullshit excuses followed by more bullshit excuses. “It’s Texas. It’s not safe. It’s not accepted here. It’s too hot outside.” I havent left my house in 3 months why would I give a flying fuck about what anyone outside thinks about what I wear when theyre not even going to see it. Why would I care about how hot it is outside if I never leave the house? The only people who’d ever even see me in any of it are my parents and myself and even then I can just keep it to my room and leave my room in boymode. Why does she choose this hill to die on? It gives me an aneurysm thinking of how little sense it makes. I turn 25 this year and because I’m stuck here forever, I basically have no say over my own things and my own goddamn body. I just really wanted to vent my frustrations and find a way out. I thought maybe if I got more assertive and started wearing things around the house it would get slowly normalized that this is me now. That I’m the same me that I’ve always been. That the only difference is that I Embrace and Identify the fact that I’m a woman. But they wont even let it go that far. I could scream to the heavens the whole time I’m stuck here and nothing would change their minds. Its not good for me mentally and I miss being around the friends that loved and accepted who I am. God knows I need them now.