Hi,

I'm trans nonbinary and born as a male. I recently had an orchiectomy and what's called a cavernosal artery dilation/destruction (basically, I can't get hard anymore). Anyway, I have plans this summer to get a full vaginoplasty, but I will be honest....I am a bit unattracted to the end result. I keep seeing all these pics of surgeries, but I find the vagina strange looking in most cases. I want it to look clean and not have any scaring..but 95% of the photos I find all have pretty pronounced scaring and lots of asymetries. Am I being unrealistic? Does anyone end up with little pronounced scaring? Also, does anyone have what's called a "barbie vagina?"

Also, I wanted to kind of bring up the fact that in the end I can honestly see myself being nullified, but I wanted to give myself the opportunity to try something new. Being enby, I know more about how I don't identify than with what I do...and I don't really see vaginas and penises as "male" or "female." I see them as more expressions of our energies...and I am definitely a receiving energy. I want the opportunity to have unrestricted and impulsive romantic engagements where I am not hindered by the trip to a shower to "clean out" which often can kill the mood. I also want to feel a ying/yang type connection during sex where we become one and our pleasure is mutual and fully from the same place and actions. Has anyone else felt this way?