Hey y'all, I'm gonna be having bottom surgery in... checks calendar a day and a half. I don't think I'm going to regret it and I'm not backing out now. Already spent a wildly long amount of time debating it and trying to get here.

Despite this, the closer it's been getting, the more my brain is poking away at me. The most recent one is "you didn't store up material, what if you want kids in the future?" Here's the thing, I do and did want kids even before I started HRT. But not with that. The thought of someone else carrying my child is... No.

My question here, I guess, is whether or not y'all have had that? A sudden feeling of regret or even just pain because you know you can't have children that come from you anymore. I made the decision a long time ago that I didn't want kids if I couldn't carry them, but that was then and this is now. I wasn't less than 48 hours away from surgery then.

Frankly, I'm terrified, not that it's a mistake, but that I'll end up depressed about that. I don't want to be depressed about that. I don't wanna focus on shit I already settled for myself. This matters so fuckin much to me and I don't want this to bog it down. I dunno. Thanks for listening, y'all.