I am trans FTM and want top surgery. I feel like I have a pretty masculine body, and my chest is the one thing holding me back. For so long I said I never wanted surgery, but over the past several months I have come to realize that this was just the fear talking. I was trying to tell myself I wouldn't want it, to save myself the disappointment... but I do want it. I have never wanted breasts.

But I am so afraid of doctors, needles, nausea/vomiting, etc ~ the idea of going under anesthesia, the actual surgery process, and waking up from anesthesia, are all nightmares. I'm not at all scared or worried about the healing process / post-surgery care.

I've never been in a hospital. I also have avoided doctors like the plague my entire life so far ~ almost all of my trans medical care has been telehealth thus far, with the only exception being blood draws (which I have a tendency to put off as much as possible 🙃).

Did anyone else have similar fears with their surgery? How did you get over it?

I've been considering therapy, but wouldn't even know where to start. My hope would be that it could ease some of my fears/phobias, and I would be more comfortable with the idea of surgery... but I am scared of the therapist being transphobic or trying to talk me out of getting surgery. I am wondering if anyone here did anything similar, and if it helped?