Pretty much like the title says. Not trying to be a downer or super negative, but I know I am. I've been in therapy now a little over a year, have tried some hobbies, try to workout and eat better, tried to be a workaholic and distract myself with that, try to focus on parenting and doing better at that, doomscroll trans-positive stuff on Reddit, etc. Therapist suggested looking into meds, but I don't feel like it's an option due to my job, and I don't think it would go over well with my wife. So, nothing ever really stops that never ending voice in the back of my head saying "just give up already" except the fleeting, hidden moments of getting to wear what I want to wear, or seeing myself as I want to be. But it feels like it has to be completely hidden from the world, it's exhausting in every possible way, and I feel trapped in this limbo. When I ask for help, I regret it and feel like a burden or a joke. It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle against myself every single day, and it's getting harder and harder to get up everyday. I get distracted and can't focus, then I lose half an hour or some amount of time and feel groggy and tired again. I don't know what the point of all this even is anymore. I wish someone could give me the answers, but I know that isn't realistic. Is it possible to make new friends to talk to at this age? I don't know what else to try.