I just... ugh. Why does this have to be so complicated. I don't know that I want to ever transition in this life, mostly cause I don't think I'll ever pass. I have very masculine features on my face, wide shoulders etc.

BUT as an experiment I've been trying estrogel applied to the scrotum once a day, and while physical changes have been minimal, I love how it's made me feel. I have less pain, my skin is soft and supple, my acne is gone, my mind feels fresh, etc. I love these effects vs not on it.

So can I just be... a gender non conforming man on estrogen? I know boobs will come, but I can deal with light gyno, since I've always had it anyway.

I dunno, I'm just rambling.