Abusive / toxic GF relationship Narcissistic traits?

New GF -weird logic defying dates. help plz One month toxic relationship??

Context and history - lonely dad joins dating app to find a relationship and intimacy 4 weeks ago. I have dyslexia so excuse punctuation / grammer,

Separated but still married to someone with Narc traits/ passive aggressive/poor communicator.

I spent 2 years researching why Ex left me and if was sole reason for failure in an Arranged marriage.

6 months ago bad tinder date which ended up as one night stand despite me wanting a GF. Text on her phone middle of night labelled ‘New Man’ And sorry it was a mistake text next day. Got STI checked

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Today I feel upset, confused and frustrated about the current situation and face a dilemma,

Matched and messaged someone online 1 am About a month ago,

Told me profile picture was not her but random photo of ethnic girl. ( same culture as me and Asian community language and background ). The photo belongs to an Bollywood actress half her age.

Conversation- Everyone is weird on this app she frequents. Mingle 2 App

Found out later Trust pilot reviews shows scammers and catfishing etc.

She told her about her bad experiences with men. Stalking / sexual advances /

I suggest taking things slow and not rushed and I’m a gentleman.

Next day exchange and set up telegram communication she suggested ( I don’t use WhatsApp). Red flag 🚩 Not a British accent - Origins SA but born in USA Weird texting like gen Z adolescent. No grammer.

Day 2 - suggests I do video call immediately with little time to get ready. She did remind me of my Ex in some ways. We agree to go for a coffee date on weekend.

She flakes on the date on the day. Lots of banter sexualised and bdsm kink talk - 50 shades style. Likes to watch porn. And mentions sexual acts with Ex partners but plugs Etc. Red flag 🚩

I told her to stop this I felt I didn’t want gory detail of sexual past. She mentioned her friends think she is narcissistic. I saw her shed a tear talking about past relative.

5 days later - first date She chooses time and location.

I went to pay for drinks but she snatched and confiscated my debit card and put in back pocket of jeans. Red flag 🚩

Thought it was funny at time but card was returned much later in evening, Kissed and hugs ended the evening.

We mutually agreed to be exclusive BF/GF and I have confirmed on least 3 occasions,

But I can’t touch her face or hair. Sensitive skin , allergies. She may have body dysphoria And insecurities.

Second date - car meet at location on street. I may have left my car unlocked but a stranger walked past her car whilst we are in back seat.

I confronted theif shortly after he gained access to my vechile parked within viewing distance,

My neurodivergent brain and anxiety / paranoia felt I was in romance scam for about a week.

Two weeks later - date 3 Always busy and tired from work. But plenty of texts and calls and I felt more calm. Lots of positive affirmation given,

I accepted it might just be overthinking and overreacting to coincidental traumatic events.

Oral pleasure given to her in back of her car and I had performance anxiety on my turn and went semi so we cuddled.

Today she also explains has latex allergy Says on birth control pill but forget to take it that day and also diabetic. Has nut allergies/ intolerance.

I do not want to be father again and this was made clear from outset , considering a vasectomy later this year.

We have very straight forward communication and I felt happiest I have been in forever.

Date 4 - 1 am car meet Oral sex for her She roughly yanked at my hard on which I stopped as it was hurting ALOT. Dry humping and I told her I had non latex condoms in my car. No sex occurred.

I feel she has weaponised sex.

early on she explained how she always expects a msg not go unanswered.

This week events have me questioning

Weds - say she call later , stayed up most of nite - Nothing

Sorry fell asleep excuse.

Thursday - says will text later Again didn’t and waited and waited.

She goes a trip to air bnb - in London

video call with sexual tease/ strip.

Friday - was meant to meet. I’m let down again Has itchy skin and maybe allergic reaction from nuts she consumed. I suggested seeing how she feels later. Arranged for her to call @ 7

Doesn’t so I get frustrated , go out with friend.

I told her to be mindful she is affecting my emotional and mental health and remember there is a person with feelings on the other end of this call.

She tells me don’t speak further before you regret what you say,

Now wants space.

No communication since

Ignoring texts , and me asking for forgiveness.

Summary of red flags 🚩

Can’t find social media. Won’t provide photo of her or allow couples picture. Kept secret Car meets in risky secluded areas. Overt Sexual acts and weaponising / promiscuity

Triangulation

Believes she is a queen and inflated ego of her beauty.

trauma bonding / love bombing

Double standards all over the place. Wants proper grammer and yet I feel like texts are from adolescent teenager. Cuz , wud , r u ok ,

Refers to me as BU - back up ???

Still on same dating app despite exclusive bf/gf agreement and chatting to others.

Possible secondary relationship/ BF / supply seeking behaviour,

Strange health issues and conditions to excuse behaviour and manipulation for empathy and care.

Stonewalling and discard

Push pull communication.

Knows my weaknesss and moulds herself accordingly

Swears a lot Low emotion and feigned empathy

Talks about self a lot. All about me me me.

Closed off communication style, flat . No emojis etc.

No further attempts Find out about me or my past.

Disinterested in my circumstances,

Hardly apologies for behaviour or says sorry for flaky behaviour

Help please - need advice guidance Am I’m in a risky situation and are These hallmark Narcissist traits. ?

Or am I overthinking / anxious due to my past trauma with Ex and ptsd. ? Self sabotage

Desperate decisions based on difficulty reading ppl and communicarion.

I feel like like I can never date again and this my last chance at ending my lonely life, Friends have pointed out I’m not ready to date but I have start somewhere.

I do not want prematurely end a potential relationship with someone.

I’m aware I have taken things too serious too soon and I have asked for fresh start, No response to messages, delivered and read.

Tommrow I wait..

tIA

Sorry for long post.thanks for reading.