I like to think of myself as a hopeful romantic. Despite it all, from hookup culture to the ghastly practice of ghosting, I still believe in love and romance. I savour writing a love letter and sending it in the post. Instead of scaring me away, flowers will make me smile for many a day. I'm a sucker for a good story. Who doesn't want that Disney perfection of meeting in a charming way, smiling that special smile that radiates a secret within, and growing close without the messy complications of real life?

But over the years, I've discovered something even more romantic than a clean and perfect narrative...love with flaws. Growing up, we all had an idea of an ideal partner in our imaginations. Maybe he was tall and broad shouldered with one eye blue and the other one green. Maybe she had hair the colour of cornsilk and a laugh as clear as a bell. Maybe you saw each other across a crowded room and danced perfectly together without any practice. Maybe. But these people don't exist. And there's nothing romantic about that.

What IS romantic is a real person flaws and all being accepted and loved for exactly who they are. None of us (well maybe not none none) will find that exact person from our imagination, but we can find a real person and love them despite a mismatch here and a detail missing there. A long term relationship is like making two stones fit together. At first there are hard edges that cause gulfs between them, but gradually the edges are worn away until things are smooth and the two stones can slip perfectly into each other. I was recently burned by someone not understanding this. Real love stories have stops and starts. Instead of running at the first sign of questions or conflicts, why not practice forgiveness and compassion to make a love story that's even more compelling for its twists and turns rather than smooth narrative. Honestly, is a perfectly smooth narrative even worth reading? Sounds a little dull.

In a world of apps, where the next potentially perfect person is just a few more swipes away, I wonder if people are truly looking for real love with all its flaws at all anymore, or if we're prematurely discarding entire human beings at the first sign of anything amiss? Could it be that the modern condition has us lost in an endless fantasy chasing a dream that will never come true? I hand it to you fellow singles over thirty, instead of throwing away someone who doesn't meet all your criteria or who has made a misstep, consider getting to know them a bit more anyways, you might discover that your love has flaws and is made all the more real for them anyways.

Edit: Since so many people are being triggered to seething rage over the word flaw let me clarify, it's used here as short hand for something that is not part of the ideal. Anyone heard of poetic license?