I know top or bottom isn’t a stagnant identity you hold forever but I just don’t like topping as much. I used to exclusively when I first came out but after trying bottoming in a previous relationship, it was so much better. After finally dealing with my internalized homophobia, I could embrace my actual preference.

However, the not great side is that embracing being a bottom has massive downgrade my love life. I’m just not what guys look for in a bottom. While I’m 5’6 which I guess might help, I’m also thicker due to bodybuilding. As a muscular black guy, people expect me to be a top. I also look pretty masc which isn’t entirely true. So when guys actually meet me, I’m just a disappointment.

I’m not willing to change who I am just to find a boyfriend but it hurts. I suppose I’m just annoyed by my most recent rejection but it feels like I’m just gonna end up alone.