I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts about dying since i was about 10 and they’ve worsened severely in recent years to the point where I have them upwards of 20 times a day every day. The topic is almost always my fear of dying. I can’t handle the fact that one day my consciousness will just be nonexistent and I won’t be here anymore. every second feels like i’m hurtling towards an end I can’t even truly conceive in my human brain!! I feel so alone, like i’m the only one who is mourning a life i’m already having, thinking about all the things i’ll never get to do and the fact that everyone i love will die one day. also the fact that nobody will remember me and all the things that are meaningful to me will mean nothing one day. I love being alive and i never want to let it go but i have no choice, nobody does. I often wish i had some sort of religious upbringing so that I had more answers for my fear.

I know this is something to do with mental illness and I am seeking therapy for it right now but I wonder if normal everyday people who do not have ocd/intrusive thoughts also get this fear too? does everyone else just wake up every day knowing that we will all die and they’re super casual and fine with it instead of being nearly paralysed with fear ?!?

i feel so embarrassed for even admitting i struggle with something that is manageable for most people so please don’t be too harsh, thank you

edit: thank you for all the replies, maybe i have too much time on my hands but i have read and will read every single one. already cried twice and had a panic attack but im determined to revere all the time people took to comment lol. my current takeaways are: • get therapy, an ocd (?) diagnosis and prescribed medication • meditate, be mindful and suppress my ego • read books and watch documentaries about it • do shrooms • stay busy. it’s decent advice lol. if i’m being honest i don’t feel any better about my feelings but at least i feel less lonely. that’s something!