I’m a woman and I use online dating sites for casual dates. And sex. My thoughts may more apply to men in the 30s and up, but I think it’s decently applicable.

I never go to someone’s house before meeting them. I sometimes go after 1 drink/ chatting, when the vibe is good. This is where a drink near your place works well. It's especially smooth if you casually link it to be in close to your place like for example saying there's a great spot near me that I really like or even there's a great spot near me that I've been really wanting to go to… let's check it out?

I know it can feel like “work” to do this as a man - but it feels so unsafe as a woman to go in cold. And unappealing. I don’t know if you have good hygiene from pics. You don’t know if my pics are recent (they are) or just angles.

It’s worth the work.

I have had casual things with guys who are not 10’s in looks or job/lifestyle - the reason is that they vibe well. They put me at ease, don’t question my safety choices or joke about them, don’t get all sexual and handsy at drinks, and they are relaxed and willing to wait for date 2.

One memorable casual relationship started went. dude was happy to come to me, near me, for a coffee hang. We had a hot make-out session after and ended up hooking up for a few months after that. He was just so willing to engage in convo and chat. He was also positive about loving his job and not shittalking any exes…

I know there are people who are down for the cold / no lead in hookup. That’s cool. I’m sure the women will come out and suggest it. You don’t need to as guys- and you stand a huge chance of losing me, and likely a decent number of women you could bed on the first date, by being too forward. Remember we don’t know each other. I’m concerned when dudes do it and assume they have no social skills.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Have fun. Be careful. Enjoy each other.