I’m in a situation I don’t know how to handle. I’m bisexual and met another bisexual woman. My boyfriend and I had a threesome with her, but it didn’t go as planned. Despite that, she and I stayed friends. Lately, I’ve noticed my boyfriend subtly bringing her up in conversations, and it feels like he might want to try the threesome again.

The idea of him sleeping with another woman scares me because I know it would hurt me deeply, but he says it’s “just sex.” I feel torn—I want to make him happy because I sense that he really wants this. The way he talks about her, like when he said, “My anxiety was calmer, and I felt more relaxed when both of you were there,” makes me feel like he might need or want her in ways I can’t fulfill. It’s left me feeling like I’m not enough for him.

This sadness is starting to affect how I feel about our relationship, and I’m detaching from what’s been a nine-year connection. I’m scared to bring this up because past conversations have led to yelling and left me feeling small and dismissed. At the same time, I worry that if I don’t bring someone else into our bed, he might look for it elsewhere, even though he says he wouldn’t. I’ve been burned before, so it’s hard to trust anyone.