I’m going to preface this with: idk which community would be best to post this to. I’ve searched different subreddits and none of them really seem to be appropriate for what this post is. Every subreddit that I go onto that mentions thruples or threesomes are filled with porn, when all I really want is advice. Granted, some of the advice I want is sexual in nature, but I don’t think posting this to a porn subreddit will get me the answers I’m looking for. That being said, I just hope there’s at least a few of you out there that might be able to help me feel less insecure about my current relationship situation.

I (25, AFAB Genderfluid) have two established partners— I’ll call them Partner A (36 cis male), and Partner B (20, Transmasc NB)— that I have been in a closed relationship with for three months. My partners met each other approximately six months before I came into the picture (about 9 months ago from today) with intentions of dating. Things didn’t originally work out between them romantically, but they decided to stay FWB and have had a close relationship since. Partner A met me through a dating app six months ago, and we immediately hit it off. We began dating in short order, and he was honest with me right off the bat about his FWB arrangement with Partner B. I told him I was okay with this, as I personally have a lot of sexual trauma caused by a past relationship (some of which I’ll get into later in this post), and would probably not want to have sex as frequently as he wants. Originally, I did not want to be part of a thruple, and explained this to Partner A who agreed that he and Partner B would just remain platonic FWB.

Upon being introduced to Partner B by Partner A a few months ago, I found that Partner B and I actually had a lot in common, and we became friends. A few weeks before Thanksgiving, Partner B revealed to Partner A that they caught feelings for me and brought up the suggestion of us becoming a thruple. Partner A talked to me about this privately, and said he would be open to it, given that he has been part of a thruple in one of his past relationships. I told him I would need some time to think on it, but eventually agreed to give it a shot, and the three of us have been romantically involved with one-another for about three months now.

This is the part where I get insecure. Whenever the three of us are together, I can’t help feeling like an intruder or like I’m getting in the way. I can see how happy Partner A and Partner B make each other when they interact and don’t know that I’m watching. Sometimes I can’t help imagining that this is what a relationship between them would have been like if I had never entered the picture. I don’t know if Partner A and Partner B would have eventually become romantically involved on their own given enough time, or if my involvement was directly responsible. It’s hard for me to really see my place with them as their partner when they seem so happy without me.

When it comes to sex, my partners have amazing chemistry with each other. I have watched my partners have sex a handful of times with minimal involvement on my part (really just kissing/making out with them while they fuck). My partners also have sex pretty frequently when I’m not around (which I’m okay with). The part of this that makes me upset, or insecure, is that I’m not sure whether my partners really want me there when I do choose to watch, or whether either of them want to be involved with me sexually.

As I mentioned briefly above, I have a lot of sexual trauma that neither of my partners have themselves. I recently came to realize that a previous partner of mine was quite abusive when it came to sex, and that his behavior has unfortunately caused a lot of trauma that is now surfacing in my current relationship with Parter A and Partner B. I have only had sex with Partner A a handful of times (as in, I could count the number on one hand), and Partner B and I have never had sex, other than when I have watched him and Partner A. Partner A and I have not had sex (just the two of us, without Partner B), since we all became a thruple. I fear that neither of my partners really find me sexually attractive, and that they would rather just have sex with each other without me there. That, or what I’ve told them about my sexual trauma is too much of a burden. (Nearly every time I’ve had sex with Partner A has resulted in me crying, despite him being careful; to be clear, I don’t blame him for this. I am just afraid that he would rather have sex with Partner B because he doesn’t have to deal with the same fall out/trauma management). To be fair, I’ve never directly asked Partner B if he wants to have sex with me (without Partner A also there), but I get the impression that he’s not interested. Partner A has asked Partner B if he would be interested in watching me and Partner A (similar to the role I have played when watching A and B fuck), and Partner B shot down the suggestion pretty quickly.

How can I know if my partners really want me in this relationship? Am I just getting in their way? I feel really happy being in a relationship with both of them, but I don’t want to get in the way of their happiness if they would be better off without me. I don’t know if I should double down on my efforts to be a better partner, or if I should just cut my loses for the sake of their happiness. Hopefully one of you out there can give me some advice.