I don’t even know what I’m asking for, I guess to see if anyone else has experienced similar or has any advice.

I go to a clinic for Spravato once a week. I am also prescribed a compounded nasal spray for at home use on top of this. I have been in this program for a couple years now, so my tolerance is through the roof.

Here is where it gets tricky: I have seen really incredible benefits and changes to my life with such free and unsupervised access to this medication, but I have not been able to truly build on them since I haven’t received any real oversight or integrative care.

So I keep relying on the highs to put me in a good mindset, since nobody has helped me learn how to get there on my own without the medication.

It has gotten to the point where I run out of my at home prescription two weeks into the month. This has been how I “reset my tolerance” - just use it until I run out basically.

I am definitely addicted, but I am conflicted because it is still helpful in so many ways. The weeks I am out pass pretty peacefully, I experience mild annoyance at most if I have a bad day and don’t have access to it. Sometimes I do reach for alcohol, which feels way more damaging to my brain and body than overusing ketamine.

I’m afraid to be honest with my provider because I don’t want to lose access to my medication, but I don’t want to continue this cycle. If I have it, I will keep overusing it like this.

I also don’t think they would even know how to help, since their lack of oversight and discipline/direction is what allowed my use to get to this point in the first place.

TL;DR: addicted to my nasal spray script. each month I have to use more to get the same effect. I really want to progress and heal for good without having to constantly up my ketamine intake and don’t know what to do. I am afraid to go entirely without, but don’t know how to pace myself or end the ride.

I haven’t had any physical side effects so far.