This post has been de-listed
It is no longer included in search results and normal feeds (front page, hot posts, subreddit posts, etc). It remains visible only via the author's post history.
The scene: Around midnight in a train leaving a major city towards the smaller towns in its outskirts. A couple sits down in the last group of seats of that wagon, my (non-kinky but indifferent) friend and I sit in the group next to the opposite window (~3m away), no one else in sightline of anything below her shoulders. She hides her intimite area with a bag, but he is clearly fingering her (I'm absolutely certain because of her trying to hide her heaving? and the fact that he wiped his fingers off her with her bra afterwards).
How would you have reacted in this situation?
I contemplated a few things:
Acknowledge that you see but that it's ok. (A nod in their direction for example.) If they get their kick out of the "they might know" or "we're doing something forbidden" then this would spoil the scene. If they're driven by more explicit exhibitionism they might get a better scene by being allowed to play more overtly. (They both wore masks due to mandate, btw.)
Don't tell them that you know. Regardless of if they saw you looking, they could think that they violated your consent and / or they get their kick out of it.
Tell them afterwards / when they leave the train that you knew exactly what happened (and that you're ok with it). This wouldn't spoil the scene, just recontextualize it afterwards and they would have the affirmative consent of us afterwards.
Tell them it's a no no to do anything in public even if you do this as hidden as possible, in silence, fully clothed and close to midnight. (As to how hidden it was, if you didn’t look to closely he might as well just had a hand or her thigh, like I said everything till his wrist was covered by a bag she placed purposfully.)
In the end I missed my opportunity to do 1 or preferably 3, so I basically chose option 2, but I would like to know what you lot would've done.
(I'm also 99% certain there was also a dynamic going on by the way they acted during and especially afterwards, but that's beside the point.)
I wouldn't acknowledge it. I wouldn't even assume there was anything "kinky" about it. Fooling around in semi-public places (movie theatres, bathrooms, public transit, etc) is a pretty common behavior among folks who would identify as vanilla.
It's possible the risk of getting caught was a part of the thrill for them. It's even possible being alerted to the fact that they were spotted would make it fun. But it's also possible that they were simply so wrapped up in each other and in the moment that they genuinely believed they were being discrete, and any acknowledgment from me might be embarrassing, or get me labeled as a perv.
I'm also concerned by both 1 and 3 on your list of options. You might personally be okay with what happened, but not everybody would be, and no amount of reassurance afterward changes the fact that you were a non-consenting party. IMHO giving post-hoc consent to something only serves to send a message that people can involve others in their kink without gaining prior consent. It only takes one person with feelings to the contrary for that to become a serious consent violation, and the people involved will act all shocked because "we've done it before and were told it was fine."
Subreddit
Post Details
- Posted
- 2 years ago
- Reddit URL
- View post on reddit.com
- External URL
- reddit.com/r/ThekinkPlac...
I would invite you to reconsider the way you are engaging this conversation. You do not appear to be doing so in good faith, but are rather moving the goalposts to try and lead folks to what you consider to be the "right" answer - an answer which many folks in many kink communities consider to be unethical in nature.
Would a public act of foot fetishism that looks platonic to onlookers be okay? No. If the people engaged in the foot massage are doing so for kinky reasons, and are doing so in front of bystanders who are not consenting, then that behavior is not okay.
The difference here is not that one is acceptable and the other isn't. The difference is that one is obviously sexual, while the other scenario as you have described it would require an onlooker to be psychic to know they're seeing something sexual. However, that doesn't make the public foot rub for sexual gratification okay or ethical. It just means that couple are less likely to be caught than the ones doing the public fingering.