I’m currently working on a production of The Caretaker by Harold Pinter. It’s the first professional acting gig I’ve had in 6 years. I spent the last 5 years exclusively teaching and directing. However…that job fell apart…or was “dissolved”.

It’s a struggle coming back to this thing I love(d). Trying to find my groove with it again, but not only with this process for this production, but if it’s what I’ll be trying to do for the long term. Anyone else out there step away from acting and come back to it years later?

I’m juggling a lot of mixed emotions and just…trying to find my footing again. I don’t doubt my abilities. I DO, however, doubt my luck, my patience, and a whole lot of other things. This might be a one-off project, or it might lead to more, but nothing is certain in this business. I thought it would be certain in educational theatre…but that was an unmitigated lie.

I guess I’m trying to make my peace with this life in the theatre now that I’m over 40…but I’m also just trying to make my peace with life being incredibly uncertain and uncomfortable itself. Life in the theatre has been a letdown many times over…AND so has life itself. I’m hoping they can converge into a durational moment of hope and joy…but…we’ll see…

Anyway…trying to wake up my old muscles for memorization and vulnerability. It’s all very tough after you’ve stepped out of the slipstream and crashed right back into it after nearly a decade. So…again…anyone else go through this…?