I took one last suck on my sucker as I looked over the scene, a bad habit I started when I was six. The Dentist said it would give me cavities, maybe I wanted that, maybe then the nightmares would end. When you’ve been in the Monster Division this long it takes a toll on you. You start out ready to save the world, and then when you see what the monsters do you lose all hope. I threw the sucker in the trash, right where the monsters belonged.

This last monster, the worst one in my career, thought up by a little girl. When I arrived the room was a mess, dolls and toys strew around the room, the bed seemed like it was ripped apart. In the middle of the room the little girl, Sarah...damn, that little girl. I never thought such a horrific thing could come out of a mind like her’s. A little girl is supposed to be pink dresses and flowers, they shouldn’t have to deal with this, let alone be the one to create it.

Sarah’s Mom found the room like this, something a Mom should never see, something nobody should see. She refused to talk, once she saw that mess it was over for her. She walked out, pointed Sarah’s Dad to the room, and he was the one that called it in. It was like Sarah’s Mom had gone deaf, no matter how many times we said her name she wouldn’t look at us or respond, she just kept on watching her boring grown up shows.

At my feet lay a naked Betty doll, the hair cut up in tufts. I’ve always wanted to go to the hospital and pick out a baby, but seeing this made me think I shouldn’t bring another child into the world.

I walked over to Sarah, what a beautiful little girl. She had a little butterfly in her hair, a long ponytail, obviously something her Mom put a lot of work into. I hope she appreciated all the things her Mom does for her but she probably didn’t even notice. By her feet lay the clothes for the Betty doll, Sarah will never be able to get those clothes back on now. If I weren’t a grown up I would have cried.

Sitting on the floor next to Sarah I resisted the urge to play with her toys, grown ups can’t have fun, we’re all boring and that’s the way we have to be. Like all kids I never wanted to grow up and stop having toys, but I had to throw them all away and get a job in a big building so I could pay all the bills the mailman brings to the house.

I don’t know how long I sat there, not knowing what to do, so Sarah broke the silence. “Do you want to play with my toys?” She asked, hitting two ponies together while making explosion sounds.

I wish I could, but I can’t let her know that. “I can’t play right now honey. Do you know who I am?”

“No.”

“Well honey, I’m Kelly, I’m here to help you with the monster.”

Sarah threw her ponies on the floor and crossed her arms. She put on a cute pouty face. “I made my bed and put away all my toys and then the monster messed everything up and wrote on the wall!”

She pointed to the closet, I went to look and it was even worse than the bedroom. Shoes and clothes thrown all over the place even though there are perfectly good drawers and hangers for everything. In big, red, water soluble letters was written the naughtiest word ever, “poop.” I gasped, this monster was in big trouble.

Leaving the closet I found Sarah had moved to her bed, too angry to play now. “Do you know where the monster came from?” I asked.

“Yeah!” Sarah answered. “Mom and dad made me eat my green beans even though I don’t like them, so I wished a big green bean would eat them. But it didn’t eat them, it ate all the cookies.”

“Okay Sarah, thanks for helping me, I give all my helpers a present.” I put a Monster Division Deputy sticker on her. “Now you can fight monsters just like me!”

She giggled. “I’ll flush them down the toilet.”

I wish it were that easy kid. “I have to go talk to your mom, you stay in here.”

Sarah jumped off the bed and rolled around on the floor. It looked really fun, but I had boring adult things to talk about with Sarah’s Mom. That is, if I could get her to talk. She had Mom PTSD from seeing her daughter’s room in a mess even though she told her to clean it up. Sarah’s Mom couldn’t have known it was the monster, she didn’t even give her time to explain.

In the living room Sarah’s Mom and Dad sat together on the couch watching a boring news show. “Miss Sarah’s Mom, I have some questions to ask.”

No response. Sarah’s Dad got up and left. “Typical,” Said Sarah’s Mom.

I’d never seen anybody’s Mom this angry before, not even during the Mystery of the Missing Peanut Butter. In all my years dealing with Mom PTSD I knew the only way I could get her to talk was to shock her out of it, so I said the most shocking thing I could think of. “Somebody wrote poop on the wall with a marker.”

“Are you kidding me?” She screamed. “My clean walls? Sarah is getting a big time out this time.”

I sat next to her and gave her a big hug. “Miss Sarah’s Mom, it wasn’t Sarah, it was a green bean monster that messed up her room and wrote on the walls and ate all the cookies.”

“I don’t care if a herd of buffalo ran through there,” she replied. “She needs to clean up her own room.”

“Over at Billy’s house a herd of buffalo ran through the place and fed his broccoli to their dog. We were able to find a nice big farm where they could all live and play.”

“Then you can do that with her green bean monster after she cleans up her room.”

“We don’t have time for that,” I replied. “While I was coming over here on my bike a call came in from Erin’s house, her Mom had just cleaned the kitchen floor, making it sparkle, when a big green bean came in and tracked mud all over it.”

All Moms know each other and the thought of that clean floor getting covered in mud right after she spent all day cleaning it on her hands and knees hit her hard. “That could have been my floor,” she said.

“And if we don’t stop the green bean monster it could let the neighbor’s dog in someone's house, or pee in somebody’s bed.”

“What do we do?” Asked Sarah’s Mom.

“I already have a plan. Get Sarah’s best school clothes and meet me out in front of Billy’s house.”

While Sarah’s Mom looked for some clean clothes I walked to Billy’s house. I stood out on the sidewalk and yelled, “Billy! I’ll give you a dollar if you eat something nasty!”

Seconds later a blur came flying out of the front door, the blur stopped in front of me, it was Billy. “Let’s see the dollar,” he said.

I took out the dollar and showed it to him. He reached for it but I pulled it back. “No. You have to eat a giant green bean first.”

Billy rolled his eyes. “For a dollar? No way.”

“How about two dollars?”

Billy jumped up and down. “Yes! Yes!”

Sarah’s Mom came running over with a cute purple dress that all the kids at school will love even if Sarah doesn’t like it. “I’ve got her best clothes that I bought with my hard earned money, what do I need to do now?” She asked.

Now was the time to explain my complex plan. “Sarah’s Mom, go talk to Billy’s Mom about presidents or whatever it is grown ups talk about. Billy, when the green bean shows up you eat it.”

Once everybody was in position I held the cute dress out in front of me. “I love this new clean dress Sarah’s mom got for her,” I yelled out, “I hope there aren’t any muddy puddles that will get it dirty on the first day of school even though Sarah’s Mom told her to come straight home from the bus.”

The big green bean monster jumped out of some bushes across the road and rushed across without looking both ways. It moved closer and closer, it reached out for the clothes, and in a flash it was gone.

Billy held out his hand and asked, “Where’s my two dollars?” I gave him the two dollars and he flipped and rolled his way back into his house.

Sarah’s Mom peeked out the front door. ‘Is it gone?” She asked.

I waved her over, saying, “Yeah, Billy ate it, isn’t that disgusting?”

Now that the threat was gone she burst into tears, even though she was a grown up she was a Mom and Moms are allowed to cry. She came over to me and gave me a hug. “Thank you for getting rid of the monster.”

“You’re welcome Miss Sarah’s Mom,” I replied, ”the only thing left now is to pick up the pieces of your life the monster destroyed.” I gave her the biggest hug ever, even bigger than any Dad can give.

“How long will that take?” She asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, probably thirty minutes.”

An urge for a sucker came over me. I took the last one out of my pocket. Bubble gum in the middle, my favorite. Closing a case always made me happy, but I always needed that sugar high anyway. Not this time, I was done with this poison, I put it back in my pocket.