A pint of Guinness has less calories in it than a pint of orange juice*

*notaguarantee

Guinness original. Irish, 4.2%

Bit of apprehension before I dive into this one - it reminds me of the types you get at beer festivals; jotting in notebooks and clutching their Terry Pratchett novels as they hold their half pint up to the sun to check clarity on a homebrew named after a lord of the rings character. Lovely people, but you know the type. It cracks open with the faintest of fizz. The first swig is a wincer - there is a pleasant dance on the tongue but by God it's bitter... Oh so very bitter. At first, the aftertaste is of stale fags, however once the first half of the can has gone, my mouth starts to climatise. It's not bad... actually it's quite good(!). I get it now. That fags taste is now turning into a smokey/woody taste. I start to think that maybe long, patchy, tobacco stained beards and socks with sandles is where it's at and I've decided to rename the dog Erroll. I will raise a glass to those magnificent bastards next time I see them. Would I drink again? Oh good god, no. 6/10.