Many years ago, my husband attempted to explain the offside rule to me, and after several attempts, he concluded that women are genetically incapable of understanding it, and I concluded that he is a crappy teacher ... some years later, I thought I had finally understood it, but he said nope, they have changed it now ... we suspected they changed it because they were afraid that women might be starting to understand it, which would lead to social chaos and apocalypse.

Anyway, it's the twenty first century now, and we have internet access, so the other day I thought I would see if there's an explanation online ... I typed my search into google, and the google auto-suggest came up with ''offside rule explained for women'' ... Yes! That's just what I need! So I clicked it, and apparently this has been available for a very long time, but if anyone hasn't seen this, it's rather amusing:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!

*I don't know how old that is, but I had already got as far as understanding that much, so after enjoying the basics-in-the-form-of-shoe-shop-queue version, I went in search of the full rule, and I think I've just about got it now, so we'd better prepare for the apocalypse.