So, like, I was fucking around on social media and chatting with people, many of them who are totally manly manly men and many who were obviously BP. We're just so good at the hive mind that anyone who espouses TRP gets immediately shunned. After all, we don't like conflicting opinions. That's just black knighting, and that ain't dank. Violates the code, you know?

Anyways! I was totally chatting with manly manly men (they totally have large cocks, by the way, *winkwinknudgenudge*) and I was being my slutty, BP, cock-carousal-riding, hamster-running, asexual self. And then we started talking about balls!

Chocolate balls, you BPW. GODS, stop hamstering around the dick wheel for two seconds!

So I was totally eating this delicious chocolate truffle ball, and I mention it on live chat. Of course, with men being men and all (and you know they are, always thinking about their cocks and peens, just like how we women always think about how to spermjack the next alfalfa and how to increase the number of orbiters around us), they immediately decide to think about Chocolate Salty Balls.

Me: *is totally eating chocolate balls*
Orbiter: y u do this to me, u make me think of dirty thing
Orbiter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNYXgV7L-c
Me: I should totally just take a video of me eating a truffle
Me: just to mess with u moar ;) XD
Orbiter: Y U DO THIS
Me: cuz I can

And with that, I totally snared this weak beta onto the weiner-machine.

My orbiter beta is also totes a writer! So, like, he sometimes comes by to ask me for my opinions on things he writes. A few days after the balls thing, he asks me to go comment on this new piece of writing he wrote. I think it was payback for the balls thing, because he knows about the hamsters in my head. Me, being the dumb BP woman I am, go look, and then I kick Hamstonia out of my head and invite Germania to take over. Germania doesn't hamster as much, but she still hamsters a bit, and she, like Hamstonia, gets tired easily. So I go like "dudeeeeeeeeeee, you write three different accounts of THE SAME EVENT! I CANNOT GERBIL THIS. HALP. Y U DO THIS TO ME". And he's like "cuz this is a story of found documents, cordis, ur supposed to determine which account is the most accurate from the data", and I'm like "MY HAMSTER AND GERBIL ARE POOPED NOW" and have to disconnect to let them rest.

But this just the long game. I've been teasing him about the peen-wheel for over a year now, and like, he's totally hooked onto me now. Even though my hamster has hampered the process, he's totally my orbiter now. Just some time ago, he offered to let me stay over if I ever came by his place, and I'm like "YESSSSS NOW IT BEGINS".

I'll follow this field report up later when that happens. For now, I'm gonna trap another orbiter. They bought me the computer that I'm currently writing this FR on, so you know this is gonna be good.