Hey Teemos,

Today wasa sad day for me. I got home from a day of hard work, eagerly looking forward to annihilating a Riven or Lee Sin top. When I got into my first match of blind pick (don't judge), I saw a sight that fills me with dread every time: An enemy Malphite laning against me. I got absolutely pummeled, game is over and everybody hates the poor Teemo as usual.

Well, I thought that nightmare was over and it was just a bad start. I hop into my next blind pick game (don't judge!!), hoping for an easier matchuo. My anus clenched as I saw I was going against the rocky bastard again. It didn't go well.

Story over.

Well, here is the real topic: is there any way I can manage to win a lane against this guy? He is absolutely rediculous, he can deal 75% of my health near instantly during the beginning laning phase unfed. His slam dash range is absolutely rediculous, he can slam you all the way from across the entire lane! And the rock disc pocks, oh don't get me started on that! They deal insane amounts of damage.

So, how can I beat this guy that seems to be becoming more and more popular?