So the past year was my first year of teaching and I taught in extremely rough circumstances. It's the new school year, and I'm trying to pull myself to substitute teach while I figure shit out, but I just...I can't. The first day I tried to sub, I stayed up literally all night and had to cancel the shift. I then saw a clip of someones first day of kindergarten and straight up vomited (the other financial stressors dont help, but still).

I have such a physical, gutteral reaction to education now.

My peers say that subbing is so easy! But they teach in extremely affluent areas. All the while, I can't get out of my head how subs at my last school were treated. I fear I'm just going to repeat last year over and over again, no matter the grade, teaching or subbing, anything.

I need out, I can't afford to get out just yet, and I need support going back into a classroom without vomiting. I have one year of actual teaching experience and I feel so hopeless.