Hi,

I just wanted a place to share my thoughts and maybe get some reassurance, or to be told to stop being a baby haha.

I'm a very introverted individual and I hate public speaking. I take forever to think on the spot and I'm afraid of being judged or disliked. My boyfriend asks why I chose teaching and honestly, based on all of these things, I'm starting to ask myself if I'm really meant to. I wanted to become a teacher because the teachers I had during my elementary/high school years were fantastic, and believed in me with all they had. I really liked the feeling of explaining something to my friends and having it click in their minds as well. I wanted to become somebody who could continue doing that for others.

I'm on my first week of my long practicum (10 weeks) and I just finished my first 2 lessons (first lesson for 2 same grade blocks), and had my first observation today. They went OK, but I just feel like a fraud. My faculty advisor told me "you're doing just fine" and my sponsor teacher said "you're doing great so far" but I can't bring myself to believe them. The thing is, the kids are great, the school is great, and my mentors are great, so I feel like I have no room to complain. It's just me!! I feel like I'm boring, and not going to be good for the students when I want them to have the best learning experience they can get. I feel like I can't give them that.

My question is, does it get better? I'm fine at school in front of peers and students and teachers, but as soon as I get home, the anxiety sweeps over me. I wake up multiple times in the middle of the night, and I cried when I got home today because I felt like a failure. It's only day 2 out of 10 weeks but it feels like it's been years. I feel like I can't make it. I just finished my undergrad so I don't have much experience at all and it's all so much at once.