Hi, first time posting here. I flaired it as advice but its a vent too. Came across this sub doing a google search and thought it might be a good place to ask about some concerns, I've posted in other subs before. Sorry if its long and disjointed, I'm... Incredibly stressed.

Short version: I have a hard time sticking to doing my passions and I've been told to come up with "actionable items." No elaboration. I don't know what this means. So I made a schedule for myself and mapped out every hour of every day of what I need to be doing. I guess if I follow this I'll do it. Maybe I'll like, scold myself if I don't? I cannot see any way that this will make me feel better.

Long version: My therapist seems like a very smart woman. However, she also seems..... Passive.

I know therapists are supposed to listen. But in our sessions I'll talk and talk and then she will let there be 2 minutes of silence... I feel like I'm poking something with a stick and saying "Please do something," I've had 5 sessions.

But she expressed interest in untangling my problems. She tested me for ADHD, anxiety, and depression and fortunately/unfortunately I did not test high enough for her to be comfortable giving me an official diagnoses. But said later down the line it might become clear where the problems lie. The fact that I didn't test high enough for something is.... Weird to me. I guess it might be my fault. I can't help but minimize feelings. Its instinctive. Maybe I did that on the tests. I don't remember all of what I wrote. I also don't have a good memory about my feelings, I try hard to forget them since they hurt me. So those tests that ask about the past 6 months I'd only be able to answer if I scrolled back 6 months in my twitter LMAO.

I'm honestly thinking about quitting. I know I'll never lead the life I want since its unreasonable, and I've apparently got nothing wrong with me. So I guess I'm just realistic?

My therapist doesn't ask me many questions that dig deep into things. She takes what I say at face value, and I don't talk about feelings well. I'll say something mildly bothers me but it REALLY FUCKING BOTHERS ME but I don't feel like I want to be a burden. But I know that I'm supposed to be with a therapist. But it's instinct. I can't seem to be any different. Maybe its because she doesn't know me well. But a lot of the time she sits like this :|blank face. I asked her a question at the end of last session, and it finally got her animated. Like if I turn it into a conversation she does something. But isn't that her job? To guide me? Why am I doing it..? But its only 5 sessions and she is like THE MOST POPULAR therapist in the area. What am I doing wrong?

So, recap on questions.

1. How do I come up with an actionable item by myself with no guidance? I don't want to disappoint her.
   
2. And what am I doing wrong in therapy?
   

3. Why is she not asking me stuff and not guiding me? Is it because I'm not actually sick?

4. I'm considering quitting next session since obviously I thought something was happening with me and it's not. I thought I had issues but I guess I'm fine. Would it be a reasonable course of action to tough out one more session just to see what happens? Then if it doesn't go well, say sorry for wasting her time and quit? I'm sure she has clients who actually need help.