I have face to face sessions with masks ofc and it’s a little hard to see my tiny awkward polite smiles. My T was especially lively this session and I wasn’t too sure how to react. It’s only my second session btw. I guess he was trying to get me to loosen up? My shoulders were very tense and they hurt a lot but I was too awkward to move and fix myself. He was giving me some examples of experiences he had in college and he wheeled around a bit making gestures and he laughed too. I’m studying in the field of psychology too so I was able to relate to him. It made me feel a tiny bit relaxed but I had no idea how I was supposed to react. He wheeled back to his spot and our eyes met and I felt his ‘excitement’ go down because he failed in making me loosen up. I felt so bad but I suck so bad at being around people. I wanted to laugh too or smile enough that it would be seen in my eyes that I was smiling but I just couldn’t :(

Another thing that happened I guess he thought I was about to cry. I was not. The AC in the room bothered my throat and I felt a ‘spike’. This spike was urging me to let out several coughs for relief. I was dying for some water to drink and all of a sudden my eyes welled up with tears. It was because I was fighting the urge to cough because I didn’t want to risk getting put out lol. He was waiting for my response to a question he asked and then he stared at me as if waiting for me to shed my tears. I couldn’t talk because I’d cough. He waited a bit and I cleared my ‘tears’ then I answered the question. This happened twice. I didn’t want to say that I needed to cough because it felt wrong. He probably got the wrong message 😅