I felt the session today just ended and we didn't really hit anything meaningful or whatever not that I expect to each time to gain an epiphany or be lead to one. I feel like I've been going in circles and we've been talking about the same topics for months.

I mean I know it's not her job to motivate me or force me to change or whatever. I mean I feel that it's my failure I guess. I don't know. She says she sees changes from when we started to know, but I don't really see it. I'm still unhappy and unmotivated.

I feel today she just glossed over what I wrote about my desire for non existence I mean we talked it before though. There wasn't anything new on that from my part.

I'm just really frustrated honestly. She suggested I make a list each day of 3 things I want to accomplish that day like 1. Read a book for 10 mins. 2. Take a shower 3. Clean Up my desk.

But, I don't really think doing that is going to do anything. She says I should take in the small victories or whatever, but like that's basic everyday things everyone does they are't really anything to celebrate I think it's what your supposed to do anyway.

I don't really know if I'm frustrated with her or myself or both. Or it's just late and I'm unhappy.

I don't really know what I'm getting out of therapy anymore. I guess one thing that sticks out from today is she told me "I'm almost even more disappointed than you" I was telling her about this event for weeks and it didn't happen. I told her it didn't happen and that's why she said that. I had been looking forward to a thing for a month now and it just didn't happen.

Anyway I just feel like I'm going in circles and doing nothing. She says otherwise, but I don't really see it ad what she says is You don't see it cause your in the middle of it and I'm outside looking in. Well she doesn't say that word for word but something like that lol.