I'm sorry I'm drunk and frustrated and I have to be back at 9am let me vent.

I'm a closer. I hadn't gotten sat in am hour, but of course a two top walks in ten minutes til close. The hostess tries to get them to sit at the bar, saying we close soon, but they refuse.

They admit it's their first time dining with us. I joke that the best time to be here is usually 7 pm, when we have a band playing and the place is busy. "I never go to restaurants when they're busy. I always go late so I get the place to myself," she says. Oh is that so?

I get their order, put it in, it comes out fast (duh, kitchen wants to gtfo). I check back, they say everything tastes good, so I then sit and play Pokémon Go for the next thirty minutes while they barely touch their food. Because i have nothing else to do.

I drop off the dessert menu and say "I hope you saved room!" This lady ROLLS HER EYES AT Me. "I'm not done eating yet."

It's 45 min after close. My manager turns the music off and the lights on. They laugh and comment on how quiet it is now.

I check back. They don't want any dessert. "This is my first time here!" she says again. "I only live three miles from here but I've never been here!"

"I live in [city half an hour away]" I say, hoping she'll get the hint that I have a helluva commute home and that I want to go home.

I start sweeping the entire restaurant, starting at the back and making my way closer to their table.

It is an hour past close. I go to the office to try not to cry from frustration. The manager says "Your table was saying how rude it was to sweep while they were still there." Oh is that so?

I drop the check. "What time do you close?" she says.

"We actually closed at 9" I say.

"Oh, are we keeping you?" she says, giggling.

"Yes" I say, walking away.

$5 on $50.