Here's mine so far:

1. Customer gets so mad about getting charged an overdraft fee six months ago - we are not his branch of account, by the way - that he screams and curses at my branch manager in the middle of the lobby, knocking things over and threatening a lawsuit. The police are called.
2. Customer calls in, he doesn't have an account with us and doesn't live in the area but got a credit card at one of our other branches in a different state and wants to know the closest location to him where he can pay it. After some digging, I determine that it's in a city three hours north. "Well how do you expect me to pay it, then?" "Well, you can go online -" "I don't have online." "You can mail in your payments, as well-" "I don't really trust the mail." "You can call your payment in over the phone," "How the hell do you expect me to send money over the phone? Jesus Christ. You people don't make ANYTHING easy, being as fuckin' stupid as you are." [hangs up]
3. Woman comes in to open seven CDs of the exact same term and dollar amount, will not explain why she doesn't want to just open one and gets very angry at me for "asking too many questions."
4. A man in a nearly-totaled and likely-stolen [it's a sedan with a Semi's Fleet tag nailed to the bumper] slams into the hedge and comes in to open an account. His opening deposit will be a five million dollar wire from Jeff Bezos and Warren Buffett, but of course he can't be telling us because that's classified, he's an "operator" and he has to get this money to complete his "mission." He empties a bag of peanuts onto my desk and tells me he has to get this done quickly before "they" show up. When I finally get him out of the building, he reverses into oncoming traffic and drives away going the wrong way on a one-way road. The police are called again.

and it's about half over so far.

I have to get out of this industry. Every day is like this.