I'm a universal banker/RB in a credit union. I'm a really good employee, I excel at taking care of our members and operationally I'm good at procedures. I don't always hit my sales goals, although some months I come in first. I always come in first in member reviews and surveys and have a pretty thick stack of thank-you letters that members have submitted to me. I always dig deeper and investigate "problem cases" to our member's benefit, do digging that no other UB/RB is willing to do, clearing up and untangling old cases that have been causing issues for a long time for people. I also do a lot of credit counselling, which our members love, and has lead to dozens of secured credit cards and other secured loans.

My development since I've started has been pretty stellar, I develop great relationships with members and was pulling my weight very early on. My bosses always tell me I'm a great employee and I'm doing an amazing job, and I think it gets to my head. I view myself as someone who's overperforming, and although I've never felt resentment at the abysmal pay or low title, I always feel deep down like I'm an overachiever at this job and a huge boon to my team and my boss.

This brings me to the monthly 1-on-1s. Logically, I KNOW that my manager has to report to HER boss that she's displaying a constant, unending trend of improvement for every single employee. I KNOW that there will always be items to go over for improvement. I KNOW it, and yet, when I sit in that chair, I feel like a child again.

I feel my face burning up and feel severely embarrassed and uncomfortable, as if I'm getting in trouble. Throughout the initial praise and positive review, I'm tensing for the inevitable segue towards the items that need improving. My body language is visibly awkward and it affects my manager (and the manager I had before her), who probably doesn't understand why I'm acting this way. I can tell it makes her feel uncomfortable too. When they go over items to improve, even though they're minor items (time management, being more responsible at knowing when to wrap up an interaction, being mindful of branch volume, etc), it feels like knives piercing my heart. I feel my blood run cold in that moment and and the only thing I can do is look down in shame.

When I used to work at my old job and would get in trouble CONSTANTLY and was an underperforming employee, getting talked to in the office was just a regular part of the day and I would emotionally disconnect extremely easily. However, it feels like I've become so emotionally connected to my over-performance at my current job that ANY sort of criticism is felt really severely in my gut, and I hate the feeling.

Even though 85% of it was going over positive achievements/promotions and only 15% of it was going over points of improvement, in the 24/48 hours following my 1-on-1, I feel sullen and "zoned-out", and my mind keeps replaying the moment I was told what I needed to improve on. My mind keeps replaying it over and over, and every time I feel that knife-through-the-heart feeling. Every single positive word of affirmation (you're an amazing employee, you're going above and beyond, etc) feels like it has 0 weight, and my mind just keeps focusing on what I was told to improve.

TL;DR: How do I stop this sullen and shameful feeling when I get told my "items of improvement" during my 1-on-1s? How do I stop my mind from replaying them over and over? How do I stop acting like a damned child and fidgeting in my chair and actually look professional in front of my bosses? How do I emotionally disconnect?