I used to work for a big coffee chain. I quit around a year and a half ago, but I live nearby so I run into a lot of my old regulars from time to time.

I have a collapsible cooler from the local grocery chain because I walk home with them and I don't want them spoiling or melting on the way. It's pretty big, easily the size of a pet carrier, and has the store's logo and pictures of ice cream all over it.

Today, I went to my old store on the walk home from the grocery because it's 10000000 degrees and I wanted some iced coffee. I put in my order for a cold brew and waited near the pickup counter.

A few people later, Hacking Lady came in, put in her order, and immediately rushed to the pickup.

Allow me to pause and tell you a little about Hacking Lady.

Hacking Lady is one of the least pleasant regulars this store has. She always steals others drinks, complains constantly, and probably the grossest habit, constantly loudly coughs. I get that some people have chronic illnesses, but she doesn't try to use a handkerchief or cover it in any way, just HACK HACK HACK all over everything... there are spit drops left afterwards on every surface this lady goes near that the baristas then have to wipe up. I dislike this lady so much my stomach twists from just seeing her on the street. I almost always dealt with her at the register because I have a mean poker face and the patience of a saint.

Anyway.

"I have a cold brew for iwrestledasharkonce!" my former co-worker called out.

"Is that mine?" she asked, reaching for it. It had my name on it. The barista said my name. Seriously?

"No, that's mine," I said, swiping it up before she can cough all over it.

(disgusted grunt) "Wait, you used to work here."

"Yes, I did."

She then noticed my grocery bag on the floor. "Is there an ANIMAL IN THERE?!" she shouted at the baristas on the other side of the counter. You know, in a "Look at this, kick her out!" sort of way. HACK HACK HACK.

I could have told her it was none of her business, but I was feeling a little green at the gills from her still managing to sputter on my coffee. So instead I thought about it. The chicken breasts. The fish filets. The slices of corned beef. Technically...

"Why yes. I've got quite a few in here, actually! They're all dead! Someone chopped them into little bits for me! I'm bringing them home to eat and I can't wait!" I smiled pleasantly.

It worked. She looked totally grossed out. "Eugh, that's very rude!"

I just smiled, shrugged, grabbed a new straw, and left.

Glad I could disgust you just a little bit as much as you disgusted me and all my coworkers :)