Last week was not my best week. I went further down this nasty habit than I ever did before. Not to get too graphic or specific but I almost bought some clothes, toys and even signed up for a dating site related to this fetish. After about five days of thinking I could integrate this into my life, I slowly came back to my senses. I didn't buy anything in part because I don't want to spend the money. I also felt like once I did then it would be full commitment, something that clearly, I am not looking for. The dating site turned out to be really freaky and downright sad. There are guys out there that are clearly grown men with not even close to a feminine body who are claiming their sissies and want to be dominated. I'm not trying to shame anyone but I found it sad because it seems to me (not unlike myself) that these guys just want to feel accepted and loved in the most intimate way. I am all for exploring your sexuality but the community surrounding this fetish has people trying to be something they are not. I guess I'm learning each time that this isn't for me. That porn in general has twisted my sexuality and views of sex in relationships.

My point is, there was a moment there where I thought I really did want to fully commit to the sissy lifestyle. But for me, I can't do that if I want to have a family one day and not hide it (because this is so shameful) from everyone else around me. So, if you struggling just keep your head up and learn to think for yourself. The hypnosis, the porn, all of it is an outside influence on you that wants you to just submit and do what it says. Don't let it. I wish everyone the best in their recovery.