All the girls in the bbc videos that are blonde and petite remind me of my ex and it's really starting to piss me off. She cheated on me multiple times thus the relationship ended badly, giving me trauma. I was addicted to this stuff in the relationship which of course played a role in why it fell apart. I just hate it all. I just relapsed again to the same videos knowing that a part of me thinks it's my ex doing these things with black guys. There was a time at one of my worst points where I was watching cuckold and more degrading stuff during the relationship so subconsciously it made it seem okay. I just don't get it, I didn't like being cheated on, I do not see myself as a sissy, yet I cling to these videos. Well, I guess it's back on the grind and learning from this experience to stay sober for as long as I can again. Just venting I guess.