(I apologize for any grammatical errors)

I was part of this community and the NoFap community not too long ago, but I quite both because the impulse got to me, and I went back into watching pornography centered around trans women. I kept trying to find reasons why this abstinence thing was stupid, so I could justify my decision, I thought I did, but I was wrong, and now I face the consequences.

Back when I first joined this community, I didn't even consider acting on it, and all that I did was occasionally watch the content here on reddit, but since I quit the community, it got worse. Who could've guessed, right? Well, apparently, all the people in this community who warned me and told me it was going to happen, but I didn't listen, and I was stupid not too. I started consuming the content way more and almost acted on it. I even went as far as to try and connect with trans women not only in a sexual context but a romantic one as well. It got so strong that I tried to form a relationship with a trans woman, I can't believe myself. Thankfully, it did not spill into my day to day life, and I only tried to form the connection online.

It feels like with every single day, I strive further from my old self, and I keep digging myself deeper and deeper. For this past month, I constantly tried to find loopholes to justify my attraction. I kept trying to connect with people who were in the same position and would justify my behavior, and they did, and I just feel so bad because of it. I feel like by the day my attraction keeps growing stronger.

It is so scary how progressive it is and how you don't notice how it slowly gets you in deeper and deeper. I'm scared of what it could lead to.

Before all this, the only interest I had was cis women. Way back, I would stumble on the content centered around trans women, and I would look at it for a second, but I would skip it and would question how someone could indulge in it. Yet, here I am, the same person who was confident I would never be in that position. Not only did I start to indulge in it, but I try to convince myself that my attraction goes deeper than that, that I actually prefer trans women.

At this point, I'm both disgusted with myself and confused.

In no way do I think it is not okay to be attracted to trans people, but I feel like my attraction is based on falsehood and is not justified in any way. I even feel bad for the trans community because of my actions.

Here I am, back where I was, asking you guys for your help and support. Share with me your thoughts.

If you read all of that, I thank you.

TL;DR: You guys were right, and I didn't listen, and it got worse.