My partner and I recently met a couple through a paid swinger site. They introduced us using relatively common names. During the meet up they both didn’t want to give any details about what they did other than their field and general occupation, which is understandable and fairly common (though my partner and I were pretty open about our careers).

They ended up coming back to our place, we hooked up, overall good time. However, afterwards the wife slipped up and called her husband by his real name - which we caught on fairly quickly. So we learned that the names they gave us were not real, and we obviously knew his first name now but we asked hers and she refused to give it. We didn’t press her on it and just kind of rolled with it with some nervous laughter. Later though I said (not directly but implied) that it felt deceptive and if they didn’t want to reveal their real names (even just first name) then I would have wanted to know that before playing.

To me playing requires building a certain level of trust, and someone who won’t reveal their first name even after fucking comes across as either very deceptive or otherwise overly paranoid - both red flags to me and also reasons to pass.

I’m fairly certain they could tell was mildly annoyed and they made their exit soon after that with no follow up.

It made me wonder though how common this is? Maybe it’s super common and I just never knew? Is this is a weird dealbreaker to have? Should I be the one asking up front “are these your real names?”

edit: since this was mentioned a bunch, my issue isn't necessarily with using the fake name initially, or using it and telling me that isn't your real name before playing - it's using a fake name and never mentioning that, even as the clothes are coming off. Not even being willing to disclose your first name just reeks of paranoia in my opinion. I'm not willing to play with someone that views the lifestyle/us with such suspicion. Yes there are crazy people out there but if the person you are about to fuck is crazy, them knowing your first name shouldn't be where you are drawing your line.