I'm mostly venting I guess since I'm so stressed and don't have anyone to talk to about this besides my boyfriend who will be disappointed and perhaps frustrated when he reads my text.

I have this weird problem - I agree to mess around with a couple with my boyfriend, and the few days leading up to it, I start dreading the whole thing and start rethinking whether or not I want to be in a nonmonogamous relationship. It's not jealousy that's the problem, i just don't feel comfortable being this promiscuous and I feel like I'm playing a slutty character who isn't me. The main reason why I do this is because I discovered I am bisexual/homoflexible (I still have sex with the male half because I don't want anyone to feel left out).

BUT during the sex I at least feel fine or I enjoy myself thoroughly getting the women off. Plus, it's nice making new friends.

My boyfriend and I are about to meet up with a lovely looking couple in less than 4.5 hours. I regret saying I'm down to move this quickly with them (sex is expected at the end of the night) but I know after a few drinks I'll probably be fine.

Is this just normal anxiety and mixed feelings when you're new to swinging? Everyone else in the group chat is so dtf; I wish I could get to the point where I'm eager and horny.