I've been ENM for almost twenty years and in this time I've gone from solo nonmono, to a married swinger, to a bit of pseudo poly triad the past few with my husband and another woman. As my husband and I started to look to get back into the LS scene after our triad came to an end (she's moving for her career), we've come to find that the scene we've known for so long is completely different than it was just five years ago. Seriously, five years ago and today and the LS looks and feels totally different. FIVE YEARS! After a couple of weeks of lurking here in r/swingers and I'm seeing that much of these changes are not just where we live but look to also be elsewhere too.

The good

I'm going to start with this to try and brighten my rant that is below up so I don't come across as ONLY being a bitch. We're feeling pretty bummed about a lot of it but we do recognize the positives and they need to be highlighted. Of course this is all just our own neck of the woods so maybe you see it or you don't but on the positive, I hope you do or will soon.

First, bisexual men seem pretty open anymore, there's just not a stigma here (again where we live). We have two of the three swinger clubs that offer bi nights and at least one where bi men are openly accepted by the owners AND patrons. Five years ago the only place was the local gay men's club. We're also starting to see this expand as well to other marginalized groups which is really nice to see.

There's also more diversity when it comes to p-o-l-i-t-i-c-a-l opinions. Not going to start this discussion here but in a weird way, I like seeing more people who a few years ago were all about FaMiLY VaLuES, are now coming out for some good old fashioned orgies. Heck we even had one of these FaMIlY vAlUEs hatemongers try to run for governor here (guy is a complete douchebag so not the best advocate but it was still good see non monogamy normalized a bit).

There's also a LOT more diversity when it comes to body shapes and sizes. Seriously, pre-covid I was fearful of sporting a little food baby. I used to not eat before hitting the club because everyone was so thin but now I'll eat something small and know I'll blend in a little better. Little Black Dress night used be weeks of diet and exercise leading up to it but now it feels more like a regular date night. Still rocking my hard body but no longer fearful of being THAT woman who hate before arriving. LOL

The Rant

Of course, change always comes with negatives.

So first up is Unicorns... Literally put an ad out in a local groups that said, "Poly/Swinger couple seeks couples and women" and the floodgates of hate were opened. Three years ago and this was nothing to bat an eye at but now apparently this is the banner calling for the hate messages calling us "Unicorn Hunters" to reign down upon us. Coming from something closer to poly than swinging the past few years we thought we'd start looking for partners in poly groups and my oh my does a couple looking for third that isn't a man bring out their hatred and SJWs. We suspect that the majority of them are single men who are upset that we are, to them, 'stealing' these women away. Sadly, when we switched back to looking through swinger channels, there were quite a few swingers who shared the same level of vitriol. What gives? When did this become a swinger thing too?

When I say I'm "bisexual" I get a whole slew of negativity too. From asking how I'm really bi, or am I bi only because of my husband, or am I bisexual or just identifying as bi (???) or even the special little ingrate that tried to lecture a group on the poly sub how bisexual women who are married a cis-men are not bisexual and are "captives" of their partners. It's really, really just disgusting. When I say that my husband is straight, we get hate accusing him of being a "homophobe", or questions asking if he's straight identifying but sexually gay (??? my woke ass doesn't even get this and so help me god, I really don't want another lecture on).

HWP used to be pretty well defined but it seems the line between obese and curvy is now included as HWP? Is this due to everyone getting the covid 15? LOL. I mean I get it, but is this really the new normal?

STI talk seems less of a thing. We're still in shock when we experience or even hear about someone being offended that this is brought up. All of our experiences have been followed with long winded lectures about statistics, "testing doesn't work", and a whole bunch of other red flags for us. PEOPLE! Talk about it! Practice it! No wonder STIs are on the increase again.

And speaking of STIs, avoiding OnlyFans creators is a whole new thing we were not expecting either. We had to start playing the "connect the dots" after the local OnlyFans group was known to be spreading an STI and none of them were wearing condoms because it's "bad for video". I had to find the block functions and find polite ways to bring it up in the clubs to shut that door as quickly as possible. They are more forward and obnoxious than single men but also come with an irritating sense of entitlement that blows us away every time. "But u 2 r 🔥 b 🤑 w us" - actual copy paste message. Safe to say that just as there are good single men out there, I am sure there are good content creators, we just haven't come across one yet and they seem to be everywhere now!!!

Lastly, and maybe this is a good thing for some of you, but when did country music become an LS thing?! EDM and swinging go hand in hand. Country music? Really??

Phew, that was a lot. Sorry to sound so negative but I just started writing and more and more spilled out.

So knowing how much the LS has changed in just five years, what do you think 2027 will hold?