My wife and I drove out of state to check out a club. The mission was purely scouting to feel out the scene (since it was the first time for both of us) and agreed in advance that we'd just check it out without getting physical with anyone.

It felt a lot more sleazy than I expected it to. The people working were really nice, but it was basically a warehouse space converted into a club with bedrooms off to the side. The music was so loud we could barely converse with each other or anyone else. People were drunk and high which I guess is reasonable but it's a turn-off for me and I've always read it's not responsible if you're doing BDSM. I was wearing my mask because I'm paranoid about COVID and a few people made shitty comments about it, like, "you're at a swingers club bro." Yeah and I'm not gonna fuck you, so mind your own business.

We were there a little early but there were not a ton of people there? Not sure if it is normal or my expectations are off? Maybe 20-30 people throughout the whole place.

We sat on a couch and watched a bondage and whipping scene that two people did which was very cool. I am a sub and was curious about public play as a sub, so I approached the sub from the scene after it was done just to ask her about the experience and she and her partner were really friendly and open and informative.

I'm newly out as bi and the eventual plan was for me to have a sexual experience with a guy under my wife's supervision, but again, this visit was just seeing what the scene was like, not trying to hook up. I was checking people out but trying to give give off inviting vibes. Eventually a guy came over and he was hot AF. Easily the best looking guy in the place, though he seemed much more interested in my wife than me even though we explained we were a package deal, and if sex was going to happen in the future, it'd be with me, not her.

We told him very clearly multiple times we weren't interested in having sex with anyone tonight but we'd be happy to talk with him. He asked if we wanted to go somewhere more quiet and we agreed, so we went to one of the private bedrooms. He immediately took off his shirt and went "let's get naked." My wife and I put the brakes on that which seemed to frustrated him a little. He kept saying "what do you want," and at one point he got really forward with my wife and cupped her chin in her hands as if to kiss her. I instantly went into guard dog mode but my wife pushed him away and said "you're being too aggressive," and to his credit he backed off immediately, but he seemed frustrated and disappointed. He put his clothes back on and talked a little longer, and he explained to us that when we come here, this is how people are going to act and if you go with them into a private bedroom this is how people are going to act. I told him my wife wasn't interested in sex and if that we were to meet with him again that it'd be with me, and I asked him point blank if he'd ever been with a dude. He said "no," and I said, "are you bisexual," and he said "I'm bicurious." It seemed he was more interested in the domination of both a man and a woman than a mutual enjoyable session, but it was hard to tell.

We left the private area and went out back to the bar, where he danced with my wife a little bit (he was good) and then tried to show me some dance moves to use with her. At this point I felt awkward and tired and told my wife I wanted to go. She was fine with that and went to the bathroom, and when we were doing that, I made a little small talk with him and he got weird; I thought he was coming in for a "man hug" but he tried to do a weird arm twist thing, and then when I got confused he gave me a "sack tap" and twisted my nipple. I sort of laughed nervously and pushed him away like "okay okay dude" and then my wife came back out of the bathroom, we waved "bye," and we left.

My feelings are very conflicted. I was surprised it felt so trashy, though most of the people were nice and the place seemed relatively clean and well-maintained. It was fun to watch the scenes and see the diversity. The people working there were great. But it felt so much like a bar and my wife and I went to this place because we were hoping for a place where people would have a more sophisticated and open approach to sex. I am not sure if we will go back, but if we do, it will be with a much stronger game plan. I'm proud of my wife for standing up for herself at the same time I'm angry at the guy for being so fucking pushy at the same time I'm a little disappointed I didn't let him fuck me. Very big hot mess of emotions.

I guess on the positive side he told us we were the hottest couple there. Maybe he was just trying to get into our pants but I'll take it.

TL;DR; Went to our first club determined to just check it out, not have sex, and met with an aggressive dude who seemed frustrated we weren't putting out. Mixed feelings about the experience.