So my partner (39F) and I (44M) are wanting to get into swing life, but I’ve got fairly significant ED that has resisted treatment. Doesn’t matter how turned on I am, it’s hit or miss at best. I still bring a lot to the table, I enjoy giving massages, giving oral (or receiving, even if I stay soft), using toys or strap-ons, as needed, but I have a lot of doubts that people will be interested in playing if I can’t bring consistent Vitamin D to the bedroom.

My questions for the community would be:

1) For those that have ED in the LS, how do you handle it? Do you tell couples ahead of time (when? how?), do you not say anything and try the “That never happens!” Line?

2) For those that don’t have ED, is playing with a couple where the man has ED a non-starter? Have any stories of the best way someone has disclosed their ED?

Thanks for your compassion and insight!

EDIT: Many have asked about or suggested things that the docs have already tried, so I'll add some of those details so we're not going back over covered territory.

1) My testosterone was low, so I've been on testosterone replacement therapy for about 9 months, now. Tried patches first, then the skin gel, before settling on intramuscular injections (100mg 1/wk) that has managed to achieve the levels they were looking for. 2) Yes, they check estradiol (estrogen) levels and they're normal. 3) Yes, they've checked for drug interactions from my other prescribed and OTC meds. I'm not on any beta blockers. 4) I take daily tadalafil/Cialis (5mg) 5) I also have sildenafil/Viagra (60mg) that I can take when anticipating sex. 6) I've used medical restriction devices (medical grade cock ring) 7) I've used pumps. 8) Have tried OTC herbals they sell at gas stations or sex shops and those have been worse than useless for me 9) Haven't tried tri-mix, PT-141, or Rugiet Ready, which have been suggested in comments 10) Healthwise, I'm a relatively healthy, fairly sedentary 44yo male. 5'9", 230lbs, non-smoker, social drinker, with an average diet.