Need some help sorting out what to do next here. We (38f/36m) have been in the lifestyle about a year. Last week we went on our first solo dates and I’ve been struggling emotionally ever since. My date was fine, but at my request he was rough with me and afterwards I felt really dirty for some reason. I guess it just felt weird banging this dude like that, when all I’m used to is couples and having my partner included. I just feel kinda gross about the date now.

His date went amazing and he gushed about it, how much he liked her and how well they hit it off. He even said he thinks the reason it went so well was she is “the kind of girl he could see himself dating” and then quickly reiterated that he doesn’t want to date her it’s just a really good connection and the sex was great. Since then they have been texting regularly, she sends him nudes, etc. And I’m basically hating every minute of life since he told me how well it went and how much he likes her. I have consistently not been a huge fan of him communicating directly with other ladies that we have seen, but as long as it’s not a lot of communication I typically let it go but now I am fucking furious when I see her name come up. I’ve been trying to just sit with my feelings for the past week and hope the sadness and anger and jealousy passes but it seems to be getting worse. I don’t know if I should just say, look we can have fuck buddies but you can’t have a “girlfriend” you text all day, or if I need to cut off solo dating all together because maybe I just can’t handle it. Or do I need to tell him to just stop fucking talking about her to me, bc it’s making me very very annoyed with him BUT I’m on the fence and scared to be left in the dark and have him “hide” his feelings from me.

I have been avoiding talking to him at length about all of this because I honestly feel like I can’t figure out what I want to do, but he’s noticed I’ve been sadder and moodier and he seems to be extra loving and complimentary to try and cheer me up. Today I told him I was struggling with jealousy and he reiterated that I am, and our relationship is 100% the priority and he won’t talk to her for now until I tell him it’s ok.

I feel guilty but essentially it seems like I’m totally cool with him being with other women as long as he doesn’t like them that much lol, when he shows a lot of interest I get butt hurt. I’ve already read the Ethical Slut and Opening Up and thought I was prepared for all the feelings but that doesn’t seem to be the case.