TLDR: I want to be more comfortable at clubs. Need help!

Long version: My spouse and I have been together nearly 20 years but are new to the lifestyle. While we've talked about it for years, we've only recently had our first few encounters.

Since then, we've been to a club twice, and it's been a mixed bag. The first time we went with an experienced couple, ran into and were joined by another couple they knew, and we had a very hot night of dancing followed by all 6 of us full swap playing together. It was an amazing experience! The club environment, however, is pretty overwhelming for me. I have no problems chatting with people, but I'm not a good flirt, nor am I comfortable dancing. (And chatting in a club isn't easy.) My wife is great at all of those things. I was more than willing to dive in and do my best (and was absolutely included), but once again, it means I'm expending a LOT of mental effort to do what is relaxing and fun for her and the others. Needless to say, when we got to the playroom, I could barely get up with assistance and couldn't keep it. I was still an enthusiastic player (go go tongue!) and nobody expressed concern or disappointment with me, but I obviously want more.

I'm admittedly jealous of my wife's ability to be so comfortable in those situations! So this weekend we went back to the club, just the two of us, and she helped me practice my flirting and dancing. (Have I mentioned that she's awesome?) It definitely helped, but I've got a long way to go and it's still a lot of effort. We originally planned to just flirt and dance with others (telling them that early), but for just the two of us to play in a public room to try to relax me more in that environment. Instead, we played with another couple (bad call on my part, no pressure from my wife) that did not go well due to their own internal drama. (Note - I learned that red flags are a LOT easier to spot in hindsight. sigh) Still not what we needed that night though. After splitting with them, we went back to the original plan and salvaged the night by having fun sex together (just the two of us) in the group room. Yay! Mixed night, but overall positive.

So how do I get there? I'd love any tips you can offer about how you got more comfortable at clubs. How did those of you with performance issues at first relax enough to get past them? And how long did it take? What can I practice? Condoms at home for a while to make it more comfortable? What can we do together to make it easier? We want this together, and she's 100% on board working through this at my pace.

Side note - when we go to the club or play, I take Cialis or Viagra ahead of time, drink a lot of water, don’t eat a heavy meal, and minimize caffeine and alcohol. I'm a very analytical person, though, and despite all those things, if I'm stuck too much in my own head, none of that will help.