Male here. We are semi-active, but the last two times we've played left me, well, typing on Reddit, lol. Two scenarios- one a full swap at a resort and a soft swap that we hosted- where the guy is playing with my SO but seems a little too focused on what his female SO is doing with me. This gets to the level where he is having performance issues and my SO is getting frustrated.

In both situations, the women with whom I was playing verbally mentioned that I am well "equipped". This flattery notwithstanding, I am decidedly average in size and physique, and my SO is very much the draw when it comes to us.

When I'm swapping, I'm very focused on making sure my play partner is having a fun experience- in terms primarily of comfort in the situation and pleasure in the situation. When the other dude is focused on his SO more so than the person with whom they are playing, it gets weird.

Weird in the sense of, "if you're super into your SO, then why are you swapping at all?" I'm all for being hot sex between a couple, but I'm not sure why we were in the room, lol.

Both of these encounters ended with everyone playing with their primary and my SO saying, "WTF"?

We're now being asked my one of the couples for another encounter, and, bluntly, we're wondering why they would like to meet again at all. If you're swapping while being more into your primary, is that odd (or am I an asshole)?