My wife and I were soft swap only until this week. We met a couple that we just really hit it off with. True four way connection for sure. They are experienced and we are obviously new. We mentioned to them that we were also considering single male play and moving to full swap. They suggested that for our first time playing separately, we should try just going on separate one on one dates with them on different days. We tried that recently. I’ll say that overall it was a great suggestion. I didn’t realize how much angst I would have with her playing alone and it was nice having the balance of me getting to play as well. My wife and I both also discussed making the dates full swap which was a nice little surprise the other husband when she broke that news on their date. The other wife and I also full swapped on our date a few days later. Sex was great all around and we can’t wait for another round with them. This shit, when it works, feels like it could be addictive.
We only had one aspect that I’m still processing and trying to figure out how upset I should be. I share it hear as an example of how even experienced couples screw up and how being exceptionally explicit with talk of rules and boundaries via a four way discussion ahead of time could have avoided it.
In short, my wife and the husband went on their date first. They ended up fucking and didn’t use a condom. My wife and I had talked ahead of time and were ok with this as a possibility. Unfortunately on their date there was zero discussion of STI risk or whether the other wife was ok with no condoms.
Fast forward to my date and early on I bring up the topic. Turns out the other couple had a discussion about always using condoms as a current rule (hasn’t always been their rule) and the wife sent the husband on the date with condoms in his pocket. She admitted that while part of her thought it was hot, she was upset with her husband for breaking their rule. She also blamed him for not having a more explicit conversation with my wife about her rules on the subject (though he did ask “is this ok” a lot per my wife which she and I both thought was just fine). Learning a little about their STI testing pattern and risks, we may have insisted on condoms ourselves.
So on our date, the wife insists that we use condoms. She’s not just throwing her rule out which I commend her for. I was disappointed since I kinda felt like the increased STI risk was pretty negligible but honestly that is me trying to justify it more than logically knowing that adding another mistake on top of things is rarely a good idea.
So my one disappointment is my wife and her husband got to enjoy bareback and I did not. Clearly this will be the last time for that as my wife now knows this is their rule and will not do differently before confirming with the other wife.
None of this is going to stop us from getting together again. Minor hiccup at best. I fully expect that the next time we are in person the other husband will apologize. It seems he just got carried away and my wife wasn’t without fault. I think my wife needs to apologize to the other wife to clear the air, just in case she’s more upset than she’s letting on.
This is really more a lesson for all of you to be super explicit about rules with all parties involved, particularly when playing separately.
That said, we highly recommend this route for any swingers that are considering the hotwife route. This week was simply put a blast!